After writing my previous blog about 'sex and pregnancy' I came into contact with a pelvic floor physiotherapist. A very nice woman who is very passionate about her profession. In her practice, she treats women who, even up to a year after giving birth, do not dare to have sex with their husbands.

That did get me thinking. I feel really blessed that this was not the case with us. As I wrote in my previous blog, we were fortunately able to resume our sex life quickly. Unfortunately, there are plenty of couples who experience problems with sex after giving birth. Common problems include pain during intercourse or a painful/sensitive vagina, fear of having sex again and fatigue. There are also men who can be very reserved for a long time when it comes to intimacy between each other. This is not because they no longer find their wives attractive, but often because the delivery has made a great impression on them (they have seen a child being born through your vagina!). For example, there may be a fear of hurting you. For women, the feeling of an orgasm may be different or the contraction of the uterus (which happens during an orgasm) may be very sensitive.

The most important thing is and remains that you talk about this together after giving birth. State what your expectations are towards each other and what you dread or fear. Then slowly build up the intimacy again. You really don't have to go straight to penetration. You can also experience intimacy in other ways. Also, make sure you take a little more time for foreplay and keep in mind that you won't be disturbed by a crying baby. In the first period (especially if you are breastfeeding as a woman) your vagina may be a bit drier inside. It can then help to use a lubricant .

Are you still having trouble getting your sex life back on track? And you can't figure it out together. Discuss this with a good friend or sister who has also experienced childbirth. Even though you may not be used to it or you find this very exciting. You will find that if you can talk to someone dear about it, it will only relieve you. You will surely find recognition with the other. There are so many women who have had a baby and have had the same problems as you.

This is also what I mean by breaking a bit of taboo. There is already so much wisdom in us as women that we can already help each other well without having to turn to a specialist right away (which on the other hand can also be nice and in some cases it is good to go directly to a specialist). If the opportunity arises and you feel that you can help someone with it, just ask how the sex after childbirth is going. There are plenty of women and couples who are helped if they can talk to someone about it!

I am curious if the readers of my blog have also shared their experiences with friends, sisters or sisters-in-law? Have you been able to give a tip that helped the other person or are you having trouble talking about sex with friends or a sister, but did my blog make you think?

Els Gouman